Inside the Mind

As mothers, we’re constantly being told to trust our instincts, and that we know best, so why do we find ourselves questioning our choices as often as we do, and more to the point, seeking validation for the choices we have either already made, or really want to make?

There was an article recently in the British Medical Journal titled “Six months of exclusive breastfeeding: how good is the evidence?” It was an opinion piece where 3 of the 4 authors are, or have recently been employed or received funding from baby food and formula companies. The media in the UK grabbed hold of this article and in true media style, went rampant with the sensationalist headlines and anti-breastfeeding rhetoric. The same day, Unicef & the WHO, amongst many other organizations and respected authorities worldwide had refuted the claims and recommendations.

The thing is, there are a lot of women who aren’t going to see what Unicef or the WHO, or any other entities had to say on the matter, whether it’s because they just don’t know that anything was said to the contrary because it’s not on the front page of their daily paper or the nightly news on tv, or because they don’t want to know.

Instead, I’m seeing women who were intent on waiting to wean their babies suddenly deciding that because of this opinion piece that the media took as gospel, and despite all of the leading health authorities stating that their recommendations haven’t and aren’t changing, that they’re going to wean their babies early. I’m seeing women who weaned their babies at 8 weeks use this article to justify the decision they made, and to reinforce their justification that they did what they did when they did because the ‘authorities’ can never make up their mind and are always changing it. I’m seeing women smugly proclaim that “human milk isn’t best for human babies,” and even going so far as to say that formula is better because it does have what’s needed.

I feel like in one foul swoop, we’ve been set back 50 years. I feel like the cockiness of the human race has reached all new heights. Mankind has convinced women that Mother Nature has gotten it wrong. For millions of years, nature got it wrong, but now we know better, right?

I guess that in the end, the ultimate validation for me is knowing that in the event of the Zombie Apocalypse, I can continue to nurture and nourish my baby boy while on the run and kicking zombie ass, as nature intended.

The downside to baby practicing his fine motor skills is that it makes me a prime target for practicing on, hence my lovely nursing necklace from Mommy Necklaces. It has the Ronan seal of approval, and I am getting pinched a lot less. Win, win!

I liked it so much that I snagged a few more during a recent sale. Now I just have to justify a matching wardrobe.

Once upon a time, long ago when men were hunters and women were gatherers, there was a woman who went out into the woods to gather berries. She came upon a deer eating some red berries, and when the deer had had its fill, she ate a few berries herself and then picked what remained to take back to her mate.

That night, they shared the berries and come morning, her mate went back out to hunt and she went back out to gather. In the woods, she came upon the deer again, who this time sniffed at some red berries and then walked away from them. The woman who had harvested behind the deer yesterday, ate a few more berries and then plucked what remained to take back to her mate.

Before she got there, she found herself feeling ill and abandoned all of the berries before making it back to wait for her mate to return. “If you go into the woods, don’t eat the red berries,” she told her mate that night, “Or they will make you sick.”

Her mate nodded, remembering the red berries they’d eaten the night before, and the next day he set out to hunt in the woods. Hungry, he came across some red berries and said to himself, “I ate the red berries before and they didn’t make me sick, so I can eat these red berries too.” He plucked as many berries as he could eat, got sick and died.

The woman then found a new mate who heeded her advice not to eat the red berries if he goes into the woods. Together, they had children who learned not to eat the red berries when they went into the woods.

In time, their children’s children’s children learned which red berries were good to eat, and which weren’t, and then they also learned exactly what was in some red berries that made them good, and what was in some red berries that made them bad. Still, they told their children, ‘If you go into the woods, don’t eat the red berries.’

Moral of the Story: Even if you grew up eating raspberries, strawberries and cranberries, if you find yourself out in the woods armed with nothing but a cell phone with no reception, don’t eat the red berries.

I believe mother’s instinct is real and exists, and while it’s a wonderful thing, I also think it only gets us so far. In this day and wonderful age of information and technology, there’s really no excuse for not arming yourself with that knowledge, including all those statistics and guidelines founded on research, to then make what you feel is the best decision for your child.

I personally feel far more confident in following my instincts when I am educated and informed on the matter at hand, so I really don’t get when ‘Mother Knows Best,’ gets trotted out and waved around like a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card only when what’s being done flies directly in the face of recommended guidelines founded on solid research.

Infant and child mortality rates are progressively lower, our expected lifespans have gotten significantly longer and it’s because of research and increased knowledge along with advancements in technology, medicine, general living conditions, diet and hygiene.

Sure, cavemen survived to perpetuate the human race, and we’ve made it this far, but who wants to go live in caves, chasing down our prey to bash it over the head before dragging it back for eating, all the while getting infested with fleas from its carcass? Right, not many. So how come we find it hard to accept that even as little as a generation ago they did things that in light of what we know today, aren’t necessarily right, or ‘the best’?

Just because it’s what your mother did, and your grandmother before her did, that doesn’t make it the best decision that you can make now. I think prior generations have a wealth of experience to share, but like all things, it should be weighed against ‘what we know now,’ and when what was best yesterday isn’t quite as good as it is today, then why not aim for the skies?